


Another Step Towards Tomorrow

by ADashOfStarshine (ADashOfInsanity)



Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: Gift Fic, Legumentines 2015, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-10 06:43:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3280550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ADashOfInsanity/pseuds/ADashOfStarshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Too much has changed for things to go back to how they were. Still, it might be easier to take each new day a step at a time, if they walk the path together.</p>
<p>2015 Legumentines' Exchange Gift for Noizom on tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Waking.

**Author's Note:**

> This is an alternative take on the BBL Epilogue, so please don't read this if you don't want spoilers for the BBL. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy!

The first sensation Ryouta felt was warmth. It was a fuzzy sort of heat, soft and welcoming like a blanket fresh out the dryer after a long night’s waitressing.  He buried himself in the covers a little deeper and gave a contented sigh. His rare chances to lie in were always so heavenly. Perhaps if- Wait.

He opened his eyes.

He was in a room with peach coloured walls.  Upon said walls were pictures, photographs of paintings by the looks of them, in uniform wooden frames.  The walls closest to him were lined with large pieces of electronic equipment. Screens, dials, monitors, wires…None of them made any sense to him but due to the fact some of those wires were attached to his person, this was a hospital. The fanciest hospital he had ever encountered, but a hospital all the same.

He turned to face the other side of the room. Mouth falling open in the silent gasp, he beheld a table heaped with cards, packages and the largest bouquet of flowers he had ever seen in his life.  How did you fit that many daffodils in one vase? That might explain the pretty gold ribbon that had been tied in a bow around the stalks. They were beautiful. He didn’t know daffodils came in multiple varieties, but the yellows and whites were a burst of bright sunshine in a room without windows.

Reaching for the label attached to the golden ribbon turned out to be something of a disaster. Several cards toppled to the ground and a low beeping went off somewhere amidst the cluster of machines. The door, which Ryouta had been too distracted by the flowers to notice, swung open to reveal a smiling nurse.

“Mr Kawara, good morning!”

He jumped, which only resulted in a lot more loud beeping from around the room. The nurse merely chuckled and went to still the sound.

“You undoubtedly have many questions,” she continued, “Well, let me start by saying you are in Littledove Haven Healthcare Centre, a private hospital, and you have been here for three months.”

Private hospital? _Three months_? He had been frozen so some sort of time lapse was expected but the fact he had been here three months without even being aware of it was frightening. So much could have changed during that time!

“How is my mother?!” His voice betrayed his barely-contained panic.

“When you are well enough, you may visit her," the nurse continued calmly, "She is in the next room along from this one. I have been given permission by the doctors to tell you that she is responding very well to her treatment and is expected to make a full recovery given time.”

“She’ll recover?” This was all too much to take in at once. His mother was getting better. He was in a private hospital. He had been unconscious here for three months.  When had he been moved here from beneath the school? Where had-

“Where is Hiyoko?”

It turned out Hiyoko wasn’t in the hospital. She wasn’t even in the country. Ryouta’s heart dropped a little as the nurse informed him of a human-specialised clinic in Germany where Hiyoko had been sent to receive a better quality of care. He couldn’t visit her if she was all the way in Germany. There was no way he could afford the flight. Come to think of it, there was no way he could afford to be in this hospital either! How on earth had he ended up in here?

The nurse was thankfully patient. As one of her co-workers brought Ryouta something to eat, she began to give Ryouta a check-up. Her examination of him was rivalled by his interrogation of her. She seemed surprisingly well-informed about everything that had happened at the school, however he was too desperate for knowledge at that moment to question how she knew so much.

St PigeoNations had managed to cover everything about that traumatic day up. From how Nurse Paloma described it, he guessed a lot of people had been bribed, various secret organisations had got involved and everyone who had been at the forefront of the battle had been silenced in some form of another. This hospital care was how the school was trying to placate him. They were paying for him to receive treatment here for as long as was necessary. They were also paying for Hiyoko’s treatment in Germany and offering them scholarships for whenever they wanted to come back to school. The same had been offered to the others, who had also been given places ready for when they recovered. By the way Nurse Paloma said this, it seemed not all of them had yet.   This worried Ryouta immensely but Paloma would tell him no more on that topic. Apparently it was too personal and breached his classmates’ privacy. Upon hearing this, Ryouta became very apologetic and attempted to change the topic.

“So…have people visited me? There are lots of cards and things.”

Paloma gave a smile that he could only describe as sly. It reminded Ryouta distinctly of a certain someone. His spirits dropped a little further. It was all well and good if he got to be in the fancy hospital and get better, but if Yuuya couldn’t, then… He had discussed this so much with Hiyoko and Nageki in their odd out of body way of sharing thoughts, yet he still couldn’t believe Yuuya Sakazaki could be gone.,

Paloma’s smile turned back to one of gentle concern upon noticing his expression. She picked up a handful of cards, including the label from the vase of daffodils, and deposited them on the bed beside Ryouta.

“Please, try to relax Ryouta. You’ve been through a terrible ordeal and it’s going to take some time to adjust in the aftermath. There are professional therapists here at the centre who will meet with you when you are ready, and when you are up for moving about, you will be able to visit your mother on a daily basis. For now…why not see what your friends and classmates have written to you?

Ryouta merely nodded and picked up the nearest card. A smile twitched at his lips at San’s rather distinctive handwriting, if you could even call it that. He had no idea what it meant but the intensity of the prints, which had ripped the card in places, seemed to represent a rather passionate message. He could just imagine San stamping up and down on a get well soon card with as much meaning as he could put into the actions. The image was rather heartening.

“Your friend brought that card here himself,” Paloma noted, “We couldn’t let him too far into the centre; he was causing rather too much noise for our patients well-being. However we said he could come back in a more appropriate manner if he wished.”

“That sounds just like San,” Ryouta replied fondly. It was so kind of him to attempt to visit. Ryouta had never been entirely sure whether San had understood much of what was going on that day.

He picked up the next card to find that this had also been covered in ink on every available space. He didn’t need to read the message to know who this was from. Most of the card had been taken up by a passionate comic about his fantasy-self conquering the Cage of Ice and emerging to bring hope to the new world. This was definitely Anghel’s way of hoping he would get well soon. The fact that the Crimson Angel, Great Pigeon, White Magician, and even Yuuya’s character for some reason, were waiting for his fantasy self to emerge with baited breath, showed a clear impatience for Ryouta to come out of hospital.  Like the previous card giver, this was very much like them.  Ryouta could only hope everybirdie would be this glad in real life when he was released.

“Your friend is a talented artist,” Paloma commented. Ryouta managed a smile.

“He is. I imagine he’d have to be barred from the centre as well though. He’s a little…eccentric.”

“We’ll keep that in mind.”

Ryouta moved onto a bundle of letters bound together with an elastic band. As soon as the writing was unobscured, Ryouta’s hands stilled. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to open these. Flipping through the envelopes he saw the same handwriting on each one. Mr Nanaki had written to him multiple times, each letter had been dated about two weeks apart and they seemed to alternate between being elegantly written and a very shaky hand. Ryouta didn’t bear any hatred for Mr Nanaki…the man was driven to desperation after losing Nageki and Ryouta could easily imagine having your last family member taken away from you. However he didn’t know if he could deal with those emotions on top of everything he’d, well, everything else he had learnt today. He wanted a bit more time to know what was going on now before he had to reconcile himself with what felt like yesterday. Maybe that wasn’t the healthy way to go about things but… he still wanted to be kept up to date after three months of being kept apart from everything he cared about.

“I’ll save these for a bit,” he informed Nurse Paloma, reaching sideways in an attempt to put them back on the table. She gently took them from him and did it herself so none of the cards were knocked over.

“That’s alright, whenever you’re ready.”

There was still another bundle of letters on the bed beside Ryouta. These were far more varied, the envelopes being different sizes and colours, the stamps being from very varied locations, some even  showing they had come via airmail. The label from the flowers was now amongst them. Ryouta picked it up curiously. Once again the handwriting was very familiar.

_Dear Ryouta,_

_My apologies for not coming when I promised, I was delayed by my mother’s paperwork._

_Please come back to us soon._

_Sakuya Shirogane._

“Sakuya?” The surprise was enough for him to voice the name aloud.  He grabbed a handful of letters. Yes, they were all from Sakuya! The air mail had come from France and the branded stationary had French names on some and Japanese on the others.

“That young man has been visiting you at least twice a week,” Paloma commented, sly smile back in place, “Every other day it seems, when he can make it. Always leaves you fresh flowers and talks to you a bit.  When he can’t make it he orders flowers to the hospital and sends you letters in the post.”

“Really?” That seemed like an extraordinary amount of attention from anyone, let alone Sakuya of all people! He could tell something had changed by the letter alone. Sakuya was referring to him by his first name. He’d only ever been ‘Kawara’ before. Also where was the ‘Le Bel’ in Sakuya’s name? Since when did Sakuya use the word ‘please’ when speaking to the likes of him? Considering how much pride he usually had, something was definitely the matter. Add all that to the constant visits… Ryouta’s curiosity distracted him from all previous worries. Anghel and San had seemed more or the less the same yet... Sakuya had been very quiet after leaving the infirmary on that fateful evening. Had Yuuya’s death done this? Had Sakuya changed completely?

“You don’t have to be a Wise and Beautiful nurse to know that young man is going through a hell of a time. It’s been splashed all over the papers,” Paloma explained, “The famous Le Bels get a divorce shortly after their heir runs away from home? It was everywhere in the city.”

Well that explained the lack of ‘Le Bel’ in Sakuya’s name. He must have sided with his mother in the divorce but… Sakuya was a Le Bel, that’s why he considered himself to be much better than everyone else.  If he didn’t consider himself a Le Bel…then where would his arrogance come from now? Wait; did she just say Sakuya ran away from home? He seemed to have patched things up with his mother but:

“But he always comes to talk to me?”

“As often as he can. It’s very sweet.”

“What does he talk about?”

Something had to have changed for anyone to call Sakuya ‘sweet’. Paloma however merely smiled and moved away from his bed to attend to one of the machines.

“You’ll hear next time he comes to visit you. Just a little tip, pretend to be asleep when he arrives. You only have to do it for a little bit. However you might get more honesty out of him that way though; he is _very_ flustered when he thinks anyone might overhear him.” She laughed a little as she collected a paper print out from one of the machines

“I’ll try that,” Ryouta promised. She was certainly the nicest medical professionals he had ever met.  He could definitely imagine Sakuya being flustered if anyone overheard him being nice or if anyone was nice to him. He became noticeably awkward when he was dealing or receiving compliments, however rare those occasions were. That part of Sakuya must not have changed at all.

“Oh,” Paloma seemed to have just remembered something, “I have to go and fill in some forms but before I go… I don’t think it’ll hurt to mention that whilst the school put you up in the centre, it was in fact Mr Shirogane who moved your mother here and is now paying for her care. Something about you telling him to look out for her…. He took it to heart.”

With that she bustled out of the room, print out in her hand and a smile upon her face.

Ryouta watched her leave feeling more bewildered than when he first woke up.  So much had changed in three months, well; it could be longer than three months couldn’t it? He had been in the hospital for three months, yet no one had mentioned how long he’d been frozen.  Still, when that horrible day seemed like only yesterday, it was as of he’d just woken up years into the future, so much was different!  Well, he wasn’t going to learn anything just by sitting here staring gormlessly at his own lap. He had been presented with a mystery that was only enigmatic to him, yet he had to solve it nevertheless.

He picked up the most recently dated of Sakuya’s letters and gently eased the expensive envelope open.


	2. Listening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakuya comes to visit and brings some interesting thoughts with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay between chapters. I'm working on my dissertation for university and the workload isn't very good to prompt updates. I will endeavour however to write as much of this as quickly as possible. I'm holding off on my other fanfiction to get this completed.
> 
> For now, please enjoy this chapter!

_Dear Ryouta,_

_I’m sorry I cannot be with you on the sixth month anniversary of that horrible day. Maman needs my support and leaving her is quite out of the question when she has to face the lawyers later. She is a very strong figure on the outside, and the press do not intimidate her. Yet when she returns her eyes look so weary and she barely has the energy to talk, she goes to bed often without a word to me. How do you cope with this much worry?_

_In other news, I read in the Littledove Herald that San has been competing for the city’s Junior Athletics Team. I have heard very little else from our classmates so I thought to relay this to you as proof that I am attempting to keep up with current affairs._

_I hope to honour my promise to come and see you this Wednesday. If not, I shall write._

_Sakuya Shirogane._

All the letters turned out to be much like the most recent.  Sakuya would talk about his everyday goings-on, try and give Ryouta some news on how everyone else was doing and then promise to visit or write. The tidbits of Sakuya’s life seemed to be throw-away comments as far as he was aware, but Ryouta couldn’t help but learn a great deal about Sakuya he had never known before. Before now, Sakuya had never mentioned his mother, it was always ‘Father this and Father that’. However, as Ryouta went through the letters, he could not find one mention of Sakuya’s father, and very few of the name ‘Le Bel’. The way Sakuya skirted round the issue, despite mentioning his family and the divorce multiple times, made Ryouta very suspicious. It seemed something more than the recent divorce that made Sakuya drop the ‘Le Bel’ from ‘Le Bel-Shirogane’. The divorce it seemed had only happened in the last fortnight yet ever since the first letter it had been Sakuya Shirogane and in one letter, posted shortly after Ryouta had come to this hospital, it seemed Sakuya had tried to use a different name altogether before scribbling it out.   

The sheer honesty in these letters was touching and the constant reporting of current affairs, endearing. It was if Sakuya had a rather desperate need to confide in someone, which was as flattering as it was concerning. Did Sakuya only trust him because he had been unconscious when Sakuya spoke? Well, what about these letters? Sakuya had to know he was going to read them.  So the fact remained that Sakuya wanted someone to talk to and trusted Ryouta enough to write all this down for him. To be matter of fact, there was little point reporting current affairs to an unconscious person, yet Sakuya had out of some sort of necessity to make sure Ryouta was alright. He couldn’t have known could he? That Ryouta would want to be up to date as soon as possible?

Upon that note, he was even more out of touch than he’d previously thought. The mention of the six month anniversary had tipped him off but Ryouta soon learnt he had been frozen for three months then seemingly comatose for three more. That meant he was half a year out of touch with everything that was going on!  Though Sakuya never gave details, it didn’t seem a coincidence that modern medicine had been able to cure him after only those three months however. Sakuya seemed to have employed somebirdie who Sakuya only referred to as an enigmatic ‘they’. If it truly had been six months (it didn’t feel like it but it had to be) that was some extraordinary progress.  No, it seemed Sakuya had made a concerted effort to have him cured, and his mother as well… Had Sakuya grown attached to him? Why else would he have gone through all that effort, and undoubtedly money, to look after him? It was hard to imagine the bossy council president actually caring for someone yet… Sakuya had been very different when he had parted from Yuuya on that day. Well, the only way Ryouta could learn how Sakuya truly felt would be to ask him when he came to visit.

When Nurse Paloma returned later that day with food and some magazines, she informed him that if Sakuya was to arrive according to his usual schedule, his next visit would be either tomorrow or the day after. The next day was therefore spent in great tension as Ryouta waited for any sign that he should start pretending to be asleep, any word at all that Sakuya was going to arrive.  This hospital was quite like any other he’d visited. Probably because it was fanciest private health care the school, and Sakuya, could afford. They put a television in his room and somehow, according to Nurse Paloma Sakuya may have been involved; they had retrieved all the Pretty Coore DVDs from his house.

Sakuya had mentioned in one of his letters that he had retrieved Ryouta’s school bag. In that bag would have been Ryouta’s house keys, which was most likely how all these familiar books and DVDs were being delivered to him.  Ryouta wasn’t sure quite how he felt about Sakuya being in his house, and hoped he had cleaned up properly before that fateful day. On the other hand, being in hospital was much more tolerable when you could marathon boxsets of Pretty Coore. Also the hospital food was surprisingly good, they even let you choose what you got to eat every day. It was much fancier than Ryouta could have expected. Overall for a trip to the hospital it wasn’t bad but… He had still missed out a lot.

Whilst waiting for Sakuya to visit over the next couple of days, Ryouta braved the bundle of letters sent to him by Mr Nanaki. Sakuya was late and he did want someone to talk to apart from Nurse Paloma. She was nice, but she was a stranger to him. Besides, he might learn a little more about what had gone on from Mr Nanaki’s letters. This turned out be a wise decision. Just like Sakuya, Mr Nanaki seemed to be writing with other motivations in mind but he couldn’t help but give out tidbits of his life in the wake of That Day. Mr Nanaki was writing primarily to apologise. Though he had good reason to say sorry, Ryouta couldn’t help but feel bad that he had become another source of guilt on top of Mr Nanaki’s already laden shoulders.  That raised the question of where Nageki might be now if that part of him was no longer in Ryouta. However Mr Nanaki had not asked him about that, he was more focussed on apologising as much as possible.

These letters too, were a learning experience.  Ryouta’s suspicions that the entire incident had been covered up were proved correct by the fact Mr Nanaki still had his job, and not only that, had been given some sort of award for bravery along with the other teachers.  The school seemed to have given him a lot of money, and a pay-rise, to keep him silent for he mentioned on occasion that he had moved into a new apartment and he seemed to constantly be mentioning picking up medication for himself and…for his new housemate.  Mr Nanaki was now living with Doctor Iwamine. Considering what had happened on That Day… well Ryouta had been shocked at first, but upon thinking about it over lunch, he had decided that the Doctor had truly been punished. In a prison cell he would be alone with his thoughts and probably clever enough to make his way out. The death penalty…well Ryouta didn’t like to think about that, but that would be far quicker and less painful than whatever Mr Nanaki had in store for him. Which apparently were random games of chess and homemade cooking, according to these letters... However Mr Nanaki was quick to note that Dr Iwamine was entirely reliant upon him these days and Ryouta felt that the teacher was enjoying this immensely. Ryouta wasn’t entirely sure what he felt about this but knew it wasn’t really his place to judge.

The phone beside Ryouta’s bedside table suddenly rang, causing him to drop the letter he was currently reading.

“Hello?”

 _“Ryouta, you’ve got a visitor_ ,” replied Nurse Paloma, in an overly-cheerful tone. Ryouta’s heart leapt in his throat. He was a few days later than promised, but Sakuya had arrived!

“Should I pretend to be asleep?”

_“If you so wish. A colleague of mine is bringing him to you room now.”_

“Oh, ok, thanks!”

She hung up and he hastily dived further underneath the covers. He felt a little bad deceiving Sakuya, but if Nurse Paloma said this was the best way to hear what he had to say, this is what he would do. He buried most of his face under the covers, leaving him just enough room to peep through without being seen.  That way he could observe Sakuya without putting the fantail on edge. It was perfect! He waited with baited breath for Sakuya to arrive. He lay very still, feeling a lot like a chick waiting for Christmas, but the fact somebirdie real was going to arrive made it seem all the more mischievous. What would Sakuya say? What would he feel secure enough to admit? This was rather exciting.

“Ah, he appears to have fallen asleep Mr Shirogane… It has been a very trying time for him, perhaps he will awake soon.”

“Thank you…I’ll wait here if I may.” That was definitely Sakuya! Not that there was much doubt he’d come.

“Of course.  I or another member of staff will be outside if needed.”

The door closed and Ryouta remained silent. Both Sakuya and the nurse had spoken very softly, so they evidently believed his ruse of being asleep.  Everything remained very quiet apart from Sakuya’s soft footfalls. Ryouta didn’t dare stir; even breathing too loudly seemed like a breach of this new position of stealth. Well, he was no Mr One, but this felt very much like investigating. Nurse Paloma said he was more likely to get honesty this way so it was sort of like spying. Ryouta liked to think of it like that. Was that childish? Maybe.

“Hello Ryouta.” Sakuya’s voice was surprisingly gentle. That made sense considering he thought he was talking to somebirdie who was asleep, but still, it wasn’t a tone he’d heard from Sakuya before. 

There was a dull clinking sound and Ryouta wondered for a moment what Sakuya was doing. He dared squint slightly from beneath the blankets and realised that Sakuya was changing the flowers at his bedside. The daffodils had begun to look a bit forlorn around about yesterday, and now Sakuya was replacing them with roses. They were white roses to be specific, though through the merest squint they were a little hard to identify, especially because Sakuya was wearing so much white himself.  Why was that? Ryouta couldn’t see very well and when Sakuya turned back with handful of wilted daffodils, he had to hastily close his eyes.

“Higure sends his regards,” Sakuya continued, “Not in those words; he said something about the fading of the Funeral Song and being bathed in holy light. I didn’t fully understand it but I thought you wouldn’t either so I didn’t note it down.” There was a scraping sound; Sakuya was probably pulling a chair closer to the bed.

“We met after I sent him a letter of apology. I felt it necessary… The first step to fixing matters is to admit you made a mistake in the first place. Now I know my behaviour to others was both unfounded and inexcusable, well, there has been a lot of letters.”

Now that was interesting. Sakuya sounded almost humble and the fact he had been going round making apologies to the likes of Anghel… Well he certainly had got off his high horse and come down to the level of those he would have previously called ‘commoners’. Once again, Sakuya couldn’t help but betray a little of whatever story brought this change in personality about. Why was his previous attitude ‘unfounded’?  Calling it inexcusable was a little harsh, Ryouta had always got the impression that was just how noblebirds were raised, but if Sakuya wanted to feel bad about his rather pompous behaviour, Ryouta wasn’t going to stop him. He kind of liked this new humble Sakuya. He still spoke with a great deal of formality, but when he was being so modest, it was sort of cute.

“I wish…I wish I could apologise to everybirdie but of course not everybirdie is here anymore…” Sakuya sighed and Ryouta heard the chair he was sat on creak slightly.

“And despite the fact it was noisy, crowded and irksome…and I was a complete fool, I miss how it was. Now I know what it like to be surrounded by a great number of birds…some of which could be considered friends, I miss that sensation. Yet what use are ‘what-if’s when things have become so very different and irreversible?”

Was Sakuya always so thoughtful by his bedside? All this thinking out loud, to Ryouta it was the sign of somebirdie who was desperate for another to talk to. Was that why Sakuya had come to visit him so often? He had to resort to talking to someone unconscious to speak his mind? No, that didn’t explain why he had brought all of Ryouta’s things here, or why he had paid for his mother’s healthcare at this very fancy hospital. He definitely seemed lonely. Sakuya had proclaimed to hate every moment he had to spend with his classmates in school but now, he missed it? Thinking about it, Ryouta didn’t know anything about the previous school Sakuya had been to, or the friends he’d had outside of school hours. Had he even had any?

“I haven’t heard back from anybirdie else,” Sakuya continued, “No one involved went back to school; I don’t believe they could face it after that day. I understand completely.”

There was a low click. Ryouta had no idea what it was. It sounded like something being opened, maybe a plastic box of some kind, but without opening his eyes he could not tell what Sakuya was doing.

“I don’t know if I will ever go back.  I am currently searching for employment. Maman is winning her divorce claims…but I refuse to live off another’s name when it is financially possible. If you go back to school, I may visit on occasion but…at least I will be remaining here in this city.”

How the mighty fell. Sakuya was looking for a job!  So much had truly changed in his absence.  What kind of job would Sakuya look for? What kind of job could he get without taking any exams or going to college? He could attempt to study at home but still… It was weird not to think of Sakuya with his fancy student council desk and his pompous attitude. Losing Sakazaki and then having his parents file for divorce so soon afterwards…perhaps this seemed like a new world for Sakuya too?

“You need not worry…Despite inheriting everything of Saka…Yuuya’s, I am currently reliant on Maman and she is paying for your mother’s healthcare.  I told her everything about what happened on that day. She had no issue with providing for you and your mother as long as I stay close to her for as long as she wishes. I will live independently at some point though. It’s likely she won’t need me when she gets everything she wishes from the Le Bels.”

That didn’t sound ideal but Ryouta couldn’t help but feel grateful for the care Sakuya was showing them. There was no way there would have been enough money left in the bank to support his mother during the six months he was either frozen or comatose.

“Your mother is now well enough for visitors after her treatment,” Sakuya continued, “That…that nurse, the one likes to use adjectives like Mr One, she informed me that the treatment was a success. She did not share the details however. Only my mother and the patient’s family have access to those I believe.  However I have been assured Mrs Kawara will be back to full health given time.”

Yes, Nurse Paloma had said his mother was going to get better.  He would have to visit her as soon as he was allowed.

“I hope this doesn’t sound immodest…but I-I also hope you appreciate what I’ve done.” Was that a stammer? Was Sakuya nervous?

“I didn’t do this because I wanted to impress you…but not just because I promised you either.  Also, I know I owe you an apology too for being an arrogant…Le Bel. However I have recently found myself wishing that you thought favourably of me. I wish to be liked by someone as amiable as you are. I’m not sure how to do that but this is a start right? I-I… I don’t know what I’m saying.”

The chair scraped again. Was he leaving after that?  Should Ryouta reveal that he was actually awake? Sakuya sounded very awkward; perhaps he would feel even worse if he knew Ryouta had heard all he'd said? That was closest thing to a shy Sakuya that Ryouta had ever heard.  It was possibly Sakuya was only saying this because he thought no one could actually hear him but…

“My apologies. I’ll just go. I will visit again if possible, or send a letter with more flowers. Please feel better soon Ryouta.”

Should he say something? Should he make an act of waking up?  Maybe just speaking was the best idea? No, Sakuya sounded really nervous and he might not come again if Ryouta betrayed his trust.  He could easily say something the next time Sakuya visited.  Perhaps it was best to plan this out and consider everything Sakuya had said before replying.

Ryouta opened his eyes when he heard the door closing.  To be honest, he didn’t know what he would have said if he’d had the chance.  Sakuya was seeking his approval? He wanted Ryouta to like him? Why did he feel like needed to appeal to him? Ryouta did like Sakuya. Yes, he had been rather arrogant and over-bearing, but Ryouta wasn’t one to hold grudges. Sakuya’s determination in class and passion for his school-council work was certainly admirable. His newly-acquired modesty, and earnest behaviour, added an endearing side to what had previously made him a little difficult to bond with. If they were able to talk again, Ryouta couldn’t see why they shouldn’t become friends. They had endured that terrible day together. Though he hadn’t been very sympathetic, Sakuya had been at Ryouta’s side when he had lost Hiyoko. To think about it, Ryouta hadn’t had time for sympathy either when Sakuya had lost Yuuya. Either way, they had endured a lot together and now they had both come out in one piece. They should get to know each other a little more. Ryouta had no objections if Sakuya truly did want to become good friends.

 Nurse Paloma came with food and drink about ten minutes after Sakuya had left. She was smiling in a very knowing fashion and was happy to report how flustered Sakuya had seemed on his way out of the hospital. Remembering what he had said, Ryouta realised it must have been her Sakuya always had to deal with to get in to visit him. No wonder she was so invested in his visits. It was like a little drama was unfolding before her eyes.

“I reckon he’s very fond of you,” she commented as she gave him a check-up. She seemed to be the nurse assigned specifically to him, or him and his mother. She was the one he saw the most.

“I think he might be,” Ryouta replied, “However he’s a bit nervous about it all.”

“How sweet.” Nurse Paloma laughed as she reached to check his temperature. Ryouta decided that he liked her. She definitely reminded him of Yuuya, which was a little unfortunate, but that upbeat attitude was somewhat contagious.

“I’m not going to pretend to be asleep the next time he visits,” Ryouta informed her, “He wants someone to talk to and I’m going to be no use to him if I’m asleep. Maybe after a bit we can go and visit Mother together.”

“Well, that seems like a very Wise and Beautiful plan of action, so I wholly approve,” Nurse Paloma smiled and went to write his temperature on her clipboard, which she’d left on the side-table. As she picked the board up, she accidentally knocked one of the roses from the vase. Carefully slotting it back into place, she held her clipboard to her and turned back to Ryouta.

“Do you think your friend knows about the language of flowers?” she asked, sounding distinctly amused.

“I’m not sure.” Ryouta didn’t know much about it himself. He knew the flowers at Merry Feather were chosen for things like good luck and good health, however that wasn’t his job. He just waited tables.  Was she suggesting Sakuya was trying to send him messages through the flowers?

“It’s a lovely idea,” Nurse Paloma continued, gently rearranging the roses back to their original positions, “That what we take from nature conveys secret meanings. White roses, well, to some they would symbolise a new beginning. To others, an innocent form of love or adoration. Makes you think doesn’t it?” With a laugh and wink that was so much like Yuuya’s it hurt, she bustled out the room, sliding her spectacles back up her nose as she did so.

Ryouta was left staring at the vase full of white roses. Did Sakuya know that flowers could have such meanings? If so, well what did the mean for them?


	3. Mothers and Sons.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakuya's visits get sparser but Ryouta finds himself distracted from this absence. It's his turn to be the visitor!

Sakuya didn’t visit again.  Every time Nurse Paloma came to check on him, Ryouta asked if she had received any word of him. All he got for his efforts was a letter which arrived exactly one week after Sakuya’s previous visit. It was slightly longer than the notes Ryouta was sent whilst unconscious. According to Nurse Paloma Sakuya should have visited at least once more by now, but no, he was being suspiciously absent. The letter arrived with some relief, but Ryouta didn’t think it was the whole picture.

_Dear Ryouta,_

_My apologies for not being able to visit the hospital of late, I have been kept far busier than I could have anticipated the last we met. Not only has Mother decided to accept my help in sorting her affairs but she has done exactly as I begged her not to. She has used her own power to find me employment. Well, a chance at employment at least, it is an audition rather than a confirmed job._

_That is not the point though. I was supposed to be carving my own path, not relying on others’ names and reputations. That is how Sakazaki told me to find myself. That would prove difficult if I keep on relying on others’ direction.  I have however accepted the invitation to the audition. I guess if I do well it is because of my own talent, but still, I am slightly annoyed with Maman. She tried to apologise by letting me go home for a bit. I wanted to stay with her but I had to show her I wished to be independent, so I went back.  It feels peculiar sleeping in the bed once occupied by Sakazaki but I know I will get used to living here, especially after I have changed his décor. It is truly hideous, Even though I have cleaned and organised the place considerably, I cannot quite bring myself to store away many of his possessions. I don’t even know what some of them are. Sometimes I wonder if I want to know._

_I know you are conscious now and I sincerely do wish to visit you. However this audition and arranging Mother’s affairs have left me very short of time. I shall endeavour to see you soon, however if in doubt, I shall always write._

_As ever, I wish you an easy recovery._

_Sakuya Shirogane._

The letter came with more flowers, this time pink roses. After consulting Nurse Paloma, who in turn consulted Kiwipedia,  it turned out dark pink roses signified gratitude. Ryouta wasn’t entirely sure Sakuya knew the meanings behind the flowers he was giving because this one didn’t seem to fit.  Ryouta hadn’t really done anything to be grateful for, unless Sakuya really did only speak to him because he was unconscious. Also the white roses had proved rather sturdy so now his entire bedside table was covered in roses.  Ryouta’s bedside table now looked a bit like a Legumentines’ display but he didn’t object to that. All the flowers were very pretty and he was glad to see a little of the outdoors brought into this otherwise pristine room.

Also the smell of the room had become a great deal more pleasant. Ryouta noticed this as he poured over Sakuya’s latest letter for a second time, attempting to learn from it. He already knew Sakuya had inherited everything of Yuuya’s and was now living in his home. Ryouta had never thought about where Yuuya lived before, but now he thought about it... Yuuya had never mentioned any family apart from Sakuya and he did have the tendency to stay in the infirmary long after school hours were over. That made a lot more sense now he knew that Yuuya had lived alone.  How could he have afforded to do that? Had he received support from his mother? Had he been employed?

Ryouta thought the latter was increasingly likely the more time he spent around Nurse Paloma. She had the irrefutable habit of using the adjectives “Wise and Beautiful” at seemingly inappropriate occasions. Just like Mr One, or Leone J.B. would use “Bright and Massive” and Yuuya would use “Sexy and Luxurious”.  Leone J.B. was a Dove Party Agent and he had said there was another Dove Party Agent in the school. Yuuya had suggested they go to Mr One in the first place, spent a lot of time in the maintenance office and had helped them to some degree.  So addition to the shared love of random adjectives, that meant Yuuya had to be the other Dove Party Agent. That logic stated Nurse Paloma was one too. That made sense, considering everything that had happened and the danger to humanity that had been involved…  He didn’t really have a problem if she was. Leone J.B. had been kind of cool and Yuuya…Yuuya had always been likeable even if his flirty ways were a little gross. It felt wrong to speak badly of a dead person so he wasn’t going to think any more about that.  He liked Nurse Paloma. Ryouta thought she was everything a nurse should be, kind, enthusiastic yet very professional. He couldn’t help but wonder if she had always been a nurse though. Maybe this side of her was just a cover.

It would be rude to ask. Besides, there were much bigger concerns to distract himself with. Over the following week, Sakuya neither wrote nor sent flowers. According to Nurse Paloma it was rare for him not to visit for two weeks, but Ryouta couldn’t help but think it had something with his coming audition. He hadn’t mentioned where the audition was or what he was auditioning for.  He couldn’t really see Sakuya as an actor, though he did seem the sort to perform.  Maybe he sung? Though fantails weren’t exactly songbirds… Whatever the case, there was nothing Ryouta could do about Sakuya’s current situation. It was time to improve his own. Nurse Paloma suggested they worked on getting Ryouta back on his feet. He had been frozen for three months and in bed for over three more, he had to go through physical therapy and the exercises he had been given already were the first step in that.

Physical therapy proved frustrating and somewhat embarrassing.  Ryouta had never realised how much he had taken his legs for granted. However when they were too weak to let him walk along the bars Nurse Paloma set up in his room, they seemed entirely new to him.  Nurse Paloma was kind and patient but the fact Ryouta had to practice making walking motions with his legs for so long, then couldn’t actually make it without falling over, was humiliating. Over the last couple of weeks, his arms had seemed fine but even they seemed to struggling as he attempted to pick himself off the carpet. What had the treatment done to him? Had his bones turned to jelly?  He didn’t let any and all embarrassment hinder him however, pushing himself past the point where Nurse Paloma was insisting he got back into bed.  His hard work was fuelled by the idea that as soon as he was well enough, he could walk into his mother’s room and visit her. Upon expressing this to Nurse Paloma she suggested she could simply take him to his mother in a wheelchair. That was an offer Ryouta couldn’t refuse.

The day of his visit came alongside another letter from Sakuya and a small bunch of purple irises. Yet Ryouta was too excited to finally see his mother to read the letter straight away.  He brushed his hair to the best of his ability and brought the irises with him. It may only feel like a few weeks, but he knew he had in fact not seen his mother in almost seven months. She was apparently doing a lot better but he wanted to see that with his own eyes. Even the mystery of Sakuya’s behaviour had not kept his mind from wandering too far from her. He had felt safe and secure knowing she was just in the next room and receiving the same level of care he was. Yet now the suggestion of moving had been presented to him, he wanted to do just that.  It was finally time to see her again.

For the first time he got a look of the hospital beyond his room. The corridors were painted white and their floors were covered in linoleum was patterned to look like tiles.  He had been living in one room of eight down this hallway, he could see seven other white doors, each of which had a frame in which papers had been inserted. Those on his mother’s door contained her name, a number, and which nurse had been assigned specifically to her. This was of course Nurse Paloma.  As they got to the door she knocked. Ryouta’s heart leapt as he heard his Mother’s voice reply:

“Yes?”

“Mrs Kawara, you have a special visitor,” Nurse Paloma replied, delight evident in her voice.   She propped the door open and gently pushed Ryouta inside, wheeling him straight up to his mother’s bedside.

“Ryouta!” Even her voice sounded better!

“Mum!

His mother was sitting up in bed, a magazine in her lap as the radio on her bedside table quietly informed the room of the local traffic. The fact she was sitting up was a massive improvement, not only that, she was breathing without one of those face masks!  

“Mum, how are you? How are you feeling?”  Ryouta couldn’t stop smiling. The doctors at Littledove Hachiman General Hospital said she didn’t have much time left but now… There was colour in her cheeks, she was smiling, she was _sitting up._ This was a miracle! He wished he could leap up and hug her, but being in a wheelchair made that rather tricky.

“Much happier now you’re awake sweetie.” She reached for his hand, which he immediately gave to her. The comforting squeeze she gave him made up for the all the hugs he couldn’t manage quite yet.

“Nurse Paloma said you were much better now, you certainly look much better!”

She chuckled and squeezed his hand again.

“They’ve worked wonders. It turns out there are many sorts of treatment they simply don’t offer in Littledove General. Also the doctors and nurses here are simply wonderful. So positive and enthusiastic...I’ve always thought smiles make great medicine.”

Ryouta was certainly smiling more than he had done in a long while. He couldn’t believe it. After spending so many sleepless nights wondering if he was going to see her again this time tomorrow, next week, the week after… It truly was miraculous. If they had never been placed in this hospital, if that horrid day had never happened, they would never know she could be cured! Oh how good things came so unexpectedly! It was only when his mother passed him a tissue that he realised that he was in fact crying in joy.

“You’re so well,” he mumbled in embarrassment, wiping his eyes. She squeezed his hand again and allowed him a moment to collect himself.

“I got to see you a few times whilst you were asleep,” she continued when Ryouta had sufficiently calmed down, “Nurse Paloma said the process was tricky but they didn’t doubt it would be a success. How are you doing?”

“I feel fine,” Ryouta replied, “If-If I could walk I would be back to normal.  But you’re fine! That’s the most important thing!”

“Ryouta.” Her tone was familiar. It was the voice she used when she thought he was being incredibly endearing but a bit foolish. It was a sound he recognised from his days trying to keep his occupation secret from her.  He had never needed to worry about that, in fact she had helped him with his appearance as Coolene.  She was never anything but proud of how hard he worked.

“Ryouta… don’t think I’m unaware of what happened.  Nurse Paloma told me about what you went through. Your health, after all that happened, has always been my greatest concern. Seeing you awake and talking is the best thing of all. I’m so proud to have such a brave bird as my son.”

Ryouta wanted to cry again but curiosity drove him to reply even as tears trickled down his cheeks.

“What did you hear? What did she say happened? I know the school tried to cover everything up so-so I don’t see how-“  His mother interrupted him softly.

“I know everything, between Nurse Paloma and your poor friend, I’ve heard every part. Even about how your father was involved…I never knew he was with the Hawk Party, and little Isa always seemed like such a nice young man, quiet, but not malevolent.  I could never have believed it before now but...I’ve been thinking about it for months now. There was so much I didn’t know about those two.”

It hadn’t occurred to Ryouta that his mother could have known Doctor Iwamine. Discovering that the Doctor knew his father was enough of a shock.  However it was logical; if they had been so close, nothing would stop his father bring Doctor Iwamine home for dinner or the likes. Doctor Iwamine was probably very different when he was younger if his mother was able to think well of him. Surely somebirdie who got on so well with his Father wouldn’t have turned out like that if his Father had still been alive. Still, he didn’t like thinking about the matter of his ‘wish’ too much.

“What do you think?” he asked her.

“I think dwelling on what could have been will only hurt you,” his Mother replied, as if she knew exactly what he had been thinking, “You’ve come back to us now, alive and well. I am sorry for Hiyoko, but the best is being done for her. You should focus on feeling better, adjusting, and reuniting with all your friends.”

Ryouta nodded. It was true. He could do nothing with the past and the present was providing him both joy and a challenge. Focussing on here and now had always been his practice, pushing on despite grief and anxiety.  He should make the best of his current situation.

“You said, you said you heard everything from Nurse Paloma and my poor friend. Who do you mean?” He had his suspicions of course.  His mother was here due to the generosity of Sakuya’s mother. It didn’t seem too much of a leap to say Sakuya was visiting her in addition to him. Their rooms were right next to each other’s.

“Sakuya Shirogane. As I understand, you told him to come check on me.”

“I asked him to tell you I would be back soon,” Ryouta explained, “I didn’t expect him, or his mother, to go to this extent.” He glanced about the hospital room to make his point.

She chuckled again but her gaze was sympathetic.

“I think you’ll find your friend has done a lot of growing up since last you spoke with him.  He’s gone through one long rough patch and he’s attempted to apologise to you the way he knows best – using his money.  I am immensely grateful to him and his mother. We could easily have been swept under the rug in comparison to their other troubles.”

She laid her magazine to one side and picked up another from the side of the bed. It was then that Ryouta noticed the stack of magazines beside her table. They were all issues of Hen Peck, a large glossy lifestyle magazine you often found in waiting rooms. However unlike the tatty copies you found lying about, these magazines were still shiny and had their free lip glosses, perfume samples, and other assorted memorabilia attached. They were brand new. His mother had always enjoyed reading those magazines whilst in hospital but they were far too expensive for Ryouta to buy with any regularity. However it seemed she had been bought a subscription. 

The magazine she chose from the pile had a large picture of a cake on the front. Whilst it was certainly a delicious looking cake, Ryouta had the feeling that wasn’t the point of this. His mother rifled through for a moment before finally finding what she was after with a soft ‘aha’ of discovery.

Ryouta was presented with a double-page spread entitled: “ _LE BEL / SHIROGANE? – THE DIVORCE EXPOSED. One of the World’s Most Affluent Familys Face Their Split in Littledove Hachiman City!”_  

It went on for several pages and Ryouta did not have enough time to read it all. He learnt enough however. Every detail from the supposed sums of money each side would get hold of, to what everybirdie in the courtroom had been wearing, had been splashed across these pages.  The magazine seemed to be enraptured with the events and Ryouta couldn’t help but wonder how much prying there was currently into the lives of Sakuya and his mother. What he learnt from his brief reading was that Sakuya’s father was refusing to conduct the divorce in a Japanese court of law whilst his mother was refusing to leave the country. This was slowing the process down immensely.  The magazine was taking the side of Sakuya’s mother by the looks of things, though it had its reasons.

“Mrs Shirogane actually writes for Hen Peck,” his mother informed him, “She was their culture correspondent as France is thought very fashionable and her family has shares in the publishing company. Rumour says she might be the advice giver of the Mother Hen pages but no one has ever proved it. She hasn’t written anything since the divorce started.”

“I see… Sakuya says she is a very strong woman, but the whole process has been wearing her down a lot.” Ryouta passed her back the magazine. She cast it another look before putting it neatly back on the pile.

“Sakuya Shirogane seems like a nice young bird, he comes and wishes me well when he comes to visit you.  When we’re out of here, we shall have to invite him over for dinner. Maybe his mother could come too, if she could stand being in such a normal home.”

Their conversation soon turned to what they would do when they got home.  Ryouta was thrilled by the mere prospect of having her back in the house with him on a regular basis. Yet the prospects of such simple things as cooking dinners together, going to the supermarket and watching television together, were as exciting as any event or holiday. Everything could go back to normal! Well as normal as everything could be after That Day.

He spent a few more hours with his mother before Nurse Paloma announced that it was time for him to go back to his own room for exercises.  Ryouta thought about asking whether he could do his exercises and still talk to his mother. However upon considering how often he fell over, he decided it was better to do it in private.  He left the irises in a glass of water on her beside but it wasn’t until he got back to his own room and completed today’s movements that he remembered a letter had come with that bunch of flowers.  Turning to his bedside table, he was about to reach for Sakuya’s latest correspondance when something struck him as rather odd.

He hadn’t put any of the letters back in their envelopes. He’d propped them between two books which had become a makeshift rack. However he’d bundled the letters together and most of the envelopes were together, or put aside in the hopes Nurse Paloma would put them in the bin. However here they were now, all back in their envelopes looking very neat and tidy. Yes, Nurse Paloma tidied up his table occasionally but she never touched anything too personal. Yet now… Ryouta frowned at the neat letters as he chose the most recent from their midst.  Was he just overreacting? It was only natural to tidy them up a bit but…well, those were his personal letters. Anyone could have read them as they sorted them…

He unfolded the latest letter, glancing back at the neat stack as he did so.  He would have to ask Nurse Paloma about it, but first, he had to learn what had prevented Sakuya from writing for these last weeks.

_Dear Ryouta_

_My sincere apologies for not keeping in contact with you. I promise I have thought of you often. However I have been so swept off my feet of late that whenever I have time to commit pen to paper, well, I have dozed off at the table on multiple occasions._

_I passed my audition as the sole successful applicant and am now required to give a total of five performances in the coming month. Maman had not informed me that this was the reward before I attended the audition, so I have been sent into a frenzy of anxiety working out what I am supposed to perform at such a prestigious setting.  I have thus been composing and practicing to the point of obsession and have been unable to visit you. This will likely be the case until said performances happen, therefore I am immensely sorry. I will find some way to properly apologise for my negligence, I promise._

_I will write when next able._

_Sakuya Shirogane._

Well that explained that then.  Ryouta was no closer to working out what Sakuya had actually auditioned for but if it was for a performance, maybe Sakuya was a singer now? Ryouta couldn’t quite imagine him as a singer but who knew what Sakuya had done outside school hours?  Either way, he was clearly under a lot of stress and Ryouta didn’t resent him for not showing up at the hospital. He was clearly going places, in the job-sense, and Ryouta couldn’t begrudge him for that. Ryouta wondered if he would ever return to Merry Feather. When he was better, he couldn’t see why not, but with his long absence he would have undoubtedly lost his job and his fame as the café’s star.  Well with his credentials he could probably get a job at any of the local cafes.  Maybe he shouldn’t worry about that right now; he had no idea how long it was going to take him to be back to his regular health. On the bright side, his stomach felt better than it had in years. The problem was his legs now. He’d worry about what he’d do with the wide world when he was able to actually get out there. For now he just had to wait a little more, and waiting had always come easy to him.

 


End file.
